A month ago I went for an abdominal CT ( cat scan) as I have two abdominal wall hernias that are post-surgical. They have been hurting me and are very large. In order to have a CT you must drink this contrast solution. I had to be at the hospital at 8 am and at 830, 9, 930 and 10 I had to drink a glass of this solution. It was terrible and tasted like metal. That was my first trigger. Then I had to have an IV (intra-venous) put in so that they could put in more contrast when I was in the CT machine.
This solution was warm and makes you feel like your are peeing your pants. When they went to hook me up to the solution, the IV wasn't positioned well so IV solution went everywhere. This triggered my experience of the chemotherapy I had during the walk with cancer. So in those couple of hours I had the taste and the chemo triggers, then all of a sudden I realized I was alone for the first time in the six years that I have been healing. My husband was at work, my son was at school, my sister was at work, my mom was at work, I didn't ask any friends to come with me and I felt all alone. I also felt rage building up within me. Being at my old worksite still held a bit more healing. I began to well up with emotion and began to cry. I apologized to the nurse and shared a bit of my story. Thankfully she was compassionate and listened.
During this time, I was not allowed to drink or eat since the night before. I was hungry. I was tired. I was emotional. I was feeling like crap!!! I managed to pull myself together and get dressed and then go and get some soup to eat. I took a cab home and knew that I didn't feel well.
That night I began to vomit uncontrollably. I dislike vomiting. Even while walking through the cancer, I never vomited. My body disliked this whole experience. Thankfully I now work from home, so I cleared my schedule and took it easy. I nurtured myself and sat with everything. I allowed myself to feel the feels. I acknowledged my anger, sadness, fear.
Two days later, my son got sick with the flu. Then three days after that, again I began to vomit uncontrollably. I knew I had gone to a place where I was not in a state of ease. I had to do my work. I had to dig deep.
Flu, according to "the secret language of our body" vulnerable, frail, tired. Overwhelmed by negativity. feeling like you have to carry heavy burdens that you can't handle. Feeling invalidated. confusion and chaos inside you. In need of a time out. All of this resonated with me and I knew I needed my mentor to help me shift out of this funk.
During my appointment with her, she said to me, "what do you want??" how do you want to feel? and what do you want to create?" I was honest with her and I said I have never really asked myself these questions. I have never dreamed big. I have felt selfish to ask for more than what I thought I deserved. I shared with her that even when I did my vision board in January 2017, I didn't know what to put on it. I was raised to be grateful for what I have and not to be selfish. I have had to change my way of thinking to realize I deserve the abundance of the Universe. I have had to learn I am worthy of achieving more and asking for what it is that will make my heart sing and my soul grow. So for over a week now I have been sitting with "WHAT DO I WANT???" I know I want health first and foremost. I want to continue to share my light and bring people closer to God through my angel work. I know that I want to continue to grow and heal and teach. I want to feel good. I want to create and through an amazing 'felt angel class" I have tapped into my creativity.
I am so delighted that my words that spirit brought for 2018 are ABUNDANCE and INTEGRATE. This past year, through my words of EXPANSION and CONFIDENCE I have indeed expanded. It has been painful. However today I can honestly say I am grateful for every single moment of my life. I have been tested in forgiveness ( my sisters in law still don't speak to me and this january will mark two years that they don't have it in their heart to forgive me - and I am finally at the point that it doesn't affect me any more.) I have been tested in trusting that God really does have my back and that I am supported at all time. I have been tested in relationships, however I know that love and compassion helps heal all of it. What has never wavered is my deep FAITH I have in the Divine. I love God with my whole heart. I know that I am a part of something greater than me and I love to be of service. I am so grateful for life and for learning and healing.
As we head into the last month of this year and as we close out the last chapter of 2017, I wish you so many blessings of love, light and peace. If you would love an angel card reading, or a full year reading please book here:www.giulianamelo.com/services.html
I wish to leave you with this:
The Gentle Art of Blessing
On awakening, bless this day, for it is already full of unseen good which your blessings will call forth; for to bless is to acknowledge the unlimited good that is embedded in the very texture of the universe and awaiting each and all.
On passing people in the street, on the bus, in places of work and play, bless them. The peace of your blessing will accompany them on their way and the aura of its gentle fragrance will be a light to their path.
On meeting and talking to people, bless them in their health, their work, their joy, their relationships to God, themselves, and others. Bless them in their abundance, their finances...bless them in every conceivable way, for such blessings not only sow seeds of healing but one day will spring forth as flowers of joy in the waste places of your own life.
As you walk, bless the city in which you live, its government and teachers, its nurses and streetsweepers, its children and bankers, its priests and prostitutes. The minute anyone expresses the least aggression or unkindness to you, respond with a blessing: bless them totally, sincerely, joyfully, for such blessings are a shield which protects them from the ignorance of their misdeed, and deflects the arrow that was aimed at you.
To bless means to wish, unconditionally, total, unrestricted good for others and events from the deepest wellspring in the innermost chamber of your heart: it means to hallow, to hold in reverence, to behold with utter awe that which is always a gift from the Creator. He who is hallowed by your blessing is set aside, consecrated, holy, whole. To bless is yet to invoke divine care upon, to think or speak gratefully for, to confer happiness upon - although we ourselves are never the bestower, but simply the joyful witnesses of Life's abundance.
To bless all without discrimination of any sort is the ultimate form of giving, because those you bless will never know from whence came the sudden ray of sun that burst through the clouds of their skies, and you will rarely be a witness to the sunlight in their lives.
When something goes completely askew in your day, some unexpected event knocks down your plans and you too also, burst into blessing: for life is teaching you a lesson, and the very event you believe to be unwanted, you yourself called forth, so as to learn the lesson you might balk against were you not to bless it. Trials are blessings in disguise, and hosts of angels follow in their path.
To bless is to acknowledge the omnipresent, universal beauty hidden to material eyes; it is to activate that law of attraction which, from the furthest reaches of the universe, will bring into your life exactly what you need to experience and enjoy.
When you pass a prison, mentally bless its inmates in their innocence and freedom, their gentleness, pure essence and unconditional forgiveness; for one can only be prisoner of one's self-image, and a free man can walk unshackled in the courtyard of a jail, just as citizens of countries where freedom reigns can be prisoners when fear lurks in their thoughts.
When you pass a hospital, bless its patients in their present wholeness, for even in their suffering, this wholeness awaits in them to be discovered. When your eyes behold a man in tears, or seemingly broken by life, bless him in his vitality and joy: for the material senses present but the inverted image of the ultimate splendor and perfection which only the inner eye beholds.
It is impossible to bless and to judge at the same time. So hold constantly as a deep, hallowed, intoned thought that desire to bless, for truly then shall you become a peacemaker, and one day you shall, everywhere, behold the very face of God.
P.S. And of course, above all, don't forget to bless the utterly beautiful person YOU are!
God bless you all!! Merry Christmas and here's to a magical, abundant 2018!!!