I have had to make MORE changes. Healing is hard. While you are healing, your life feels like you are in a tornado. It whirls around you and you feel like you can't get grounded. You try to ground and meditate but deep within you know you are trying too hard. It shouldn't be hard. It should be Grace and EASE. So I turn to prayer. I have been praying A LOT. I also ask for help from the angels. They give me so many beautiful signs.
Now I know why so many people decide to just BE. It takes guts to bring up your crap!! It takes courage. It takes a lot of pain to heal the parts of life that have been painful and have brought you to where you are today.
Through the healing I have searched out teachers and have met people on the spiritual path. Not all on the spiritual path are of pure heart. They can only see what they choose to see. I learned that is what awareness is. We all respond and react from our own awareness.
I have had a lot of my religious friends worried about me. One told me to BE CAREFUL. Now I know what she meant. She truly loves me. She was worried with my working with spirit that I would open myself up to negative energies. This is where the gift of discernment comes in.
I have learned what discernment means. To discern means,
a: to detect with the eyes <discerned a figure approaching through the fog>
b : to detect with senses other than vision <discerned a strange odor>
: to recognize or identify as separate and distinct : discriminate <discern right from wrong
3.: to come to know or recognize mentally
I have thrown myself into healing my heart, soul, mind and body.
I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I sometimes react before thinking. (hmm.. I AM HUMAN after all). Humans make mistakes. But you live and you learn. You heal the hurt, you breathe and you thank God no matter what.
I know with all the love in me.. the part that I know is the best part of me, I tried to heal a relationship that went sideways. It seems the more you try to explain yourself to someone the more they don't understand. That is where the discernment comes in. You have to decide has the lesson been learned and is it time to move on? If you are being harshly judged then its time to look to GOD and ask for guidance. Love says "I see you.. all of you.. even the ugly parts and I choose you!" so when you don't feel that any more you have to distance yourself from people and places.
I had to decide am I on the wrong path? I know I am a wonderful conduit to the angels and everyone I have read found a sense of peace and felt the love but perhaps its time to just BE. I have tried to fit in where I don't belong. I am beginning to wonder if I fit in anywhere?
I have tried to emulate teachers, my mom, my bosses and seems to me I am meant to just be ME!! so today I promise to go out into the world using forgiveness of myself and all others as the key to wellness. I use gratitude to count all my blessings so that all future blessings are ushered in. And I thank GOD for all of it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other as you never know what is waiting for you just around the corner.
I also read a beautiful post on Facebook today.. it says
YOU CAN'T CONTROL THE IMPRESSIONS OTHERS FORM ABOUT YOU AND THE EFFORT ONLY DEBASES YOUR CHARACTER.
from ~ A Gleam of Dreams.
so here's to letting GO of control of all of it. I am who I am .. and I know GOD thinks I am beautiful.. :)