Forgiveness, Gratitude & Self-Love

Mother Mary card by Velva Dawn Silver-Awakening of the Divine Oracle deck *Copyright

When I woke up today, it did not surprise me that I was inspired to write. 
Today is my Archangel Gabriel day and he is God's messenger angel. He helps us to communicate with truth.  He helps us write.  He helps us speak.
These are the days where I usually feel guided to do live video on FB.
But not this week. Nope. This week I am still walking through some old pain and grief.  I have a wicked virus and I feel like I have been hit by a bus.  But what I am grateful for is that I have amazing family, friends and teachers who are so supportive.  I am a tender heart.  I am human.   I love to work and play with angels, but I am no angel.  I am perfect to God but I am imperfect. I am a soul having this earth journey of mastering the 5 pillars of why we are here.  1. Unconditional love 2. Faith 3. Trust 4. Forgiveness 5. Compassion.  Life is an opportunity to practice these five principals.  The good old ego will try to keep us small and in fear and anger, but through the love of the Divine, forgiveness of self and through the power of gratitude you can heal.

Over this year, I have had to walk through a lot of self criticism.  I have been so hard on myself and I have had to turn that self criticism to self- love.  Working with Mother Mary has been instrumental in this.  Her healing quality is self- love.  She has taught me to fill up my cup first so that I can be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and human.  She also has taught me to only do things because I want to and not out of obligation vibration.  She is our Divine Mother and she has helped me heal this wound in my heart with these females in my life. I get the part that they are some of my greatest teachers.  Allowing them to affect me is the part that is up to me or not.  I must stay strong and continue on my journey.   I know I am growing my spirit.   I have a job to do and they are not a part of it.  One of my mentors helped me identify the wounded child I had within me.  She also helped me identify my mother martyr energy.  Through her mentorship I am healing that part of me that needed them to show up for me a certain way.  Now, becoming empowered and more of a woman, I realize that I have the help of legions of angels, ancestors and the love of family and friends who matter. And to whom I matter.  I matter!! That's right.  My worth is not dependant on what THEY think of me.  hmmm.. interesting right???  Totally an ahh-ha moment there.

Last year I had a growth spurt with those people who were close.  Even though I apologized three times, they decided to turn their backs on me.  You see I called them selfish, self-centred and self-absorbed.  They are.  But what I learned from Sunny is that people who are selfish teach us that we need to be more like them!  What you say?  YES!!  They teach us to put ourselves first.  But there is a way to do it correctly.  There is a way from your heart.  Then there is the way from the ego.  The ego says, no! How dare she say those things.  If they had been in their hearts they would have looked back at the over 30 years of kindness, love and energy I gave them.  That's ok.  God is watching.  God loves me and them.  I know that.

A Course in Miracles teaches to let go of grievances.  Only then are we truly the light of the world!  I know I am a shining light.  Walking through a human moment does not dim that light.  Even though sometimes it may feel like it.  I know that through the power of forgiveness, of self and others that I can become whole, perfect and complete.

Believing it though takes some work.  When there are family occasions and they choose not to come, it makes for unsettled family dynamics.  You see, now Paulo, Paulo jr and I know how important time is.  Walking through cancer, epilepsy, and a host of other life lessons has awoken us.  We get that not everyone is able to see from our perspective.
Ha!  The other day mom sent me a meme that said, turtles can't see from a giraffe's perspective.  I got what she meant.  We all see from our own view.  We only know what we know.  Because I am evolving, so are my men.  Sunny told me that would happen.  Energy is amazing like that.

Today, I am working again on forgiving myself.  The flu I got and the emotions behind it is this: vulnerable, tired, frail.  Overwhelmed by the negativity that surrounds you.  Feeling like you have to carry heavy burdens that you can't handle.  Feeling invalidated.  Confusion and chaos inside you.  In need of a 'time out". check.  check. check.  
The cold emotions are: scattered, too much to do, too many responsibilities, too much pressure to perform.  Refusing to listen to your body and slow down.  Feeling overwhelmed, overworked and worn out.  In need of time to yourself. Confused about what choices to make. Again, check. check. check. ( book image below)

Well!  All of this has made me turn within and listen.  I don't know what all the answers are but I do know I matter and in that vein I will pick myself up, brush myself off, take the hands of these amazing powerful women teachers of mine and I will rise like a phoenix from the ashes a better version of myself.  Because you better believe, I know God expected me to not fall down. His power and strength is within me.  As long as I have breath I have an opportunity to affect change and to teach from those parts of my journey that had the most pain.  That is how all the great teachers teach.  I am a part of them, they are a part of me and we are all a part of GOD!  Worthy! Valuable. Enough. We are the light of the world!!!
And with that light and this learning I am and I will SHINE brighter than ever before.  And with these same eyes of love I will send love to those people.  You see, they didn't see my love.  But I can continue to be Love.  That's what God wants of me and I love Him so much that I will do it.  Not for them, but for me.  And because it pleases the Lord.  Amen!

Today I purchased my ticket for the Velva Dawn Silver's 'Shine Event" Choosing Courage, being held at the Azuridge Estates hotel on June 10, 2017.  The link to purchase tickets is www.eventbrite.ca/e/shine-choosing-courage-event-tickets-31080451467?aff=efbnreg
I want to take this moment to thank this amazing teacher for all her help.

At this time I also want to shout out to Sunny Dawn Johnston.  She continues to teach me and guide me and keep me the best version of me.  I can't wait until she graces us with her teachings at the Spirit Talk- and Angels and the Afterlife days that she is doing in Calgary in June. 
the links are:
sunnydawnjohnston.com/calendar/calgary-angels-afterlife-celebration/

sunnydawnjohnston.com/calendar/spirit-talk-sunny-dawn-johnston-calgary-ab-canada/

​I also want to thank Crystal Andrus Morissette.  She has helped me heal the inner little girl who wasn't speaking up in a healthy way.  The SWAT institute and their mentors have been instrumental in my continued healing.  You can find them at www.swatinstitute.com.  They have accredited coaches waiting for you to call them.

There are also numerous others who continue to support me and for that I am eternally grateful.  Thanks for being a part of my amazing crazy journey that we call life.  I love you all.   

If I can be of service to chat about my lessons and what I am doing to heal please make an appointment in my schedule.  I would be so pleased to make you a cup of tea and have a chat.  Or if you prefer a phone meeting or reading we can do it that way too.  There are many options to connect with me.  Namaste.

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Crystal at her Home Retreat in Greenbank Ontario